Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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