I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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