Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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