My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
