i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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