"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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