How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
