your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
