Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
