One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
