New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
