Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
