Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
