So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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