wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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