I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
