Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
