I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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