Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just found puke in my bra..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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