drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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