I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
