hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
