Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
