Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My underwear smells like fireworks.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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