I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish you could order shots online.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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