we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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