Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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