remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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