I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
