If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
