Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
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I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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I still have a little drunk in my system
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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