he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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