Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
sarcasm needs its own font
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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