I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
