Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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