shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize