Kiss
Puke
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
