We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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