you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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