All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
accomplished twins. life is a go
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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