her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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