soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
