I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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