I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
