Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
