Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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