20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?