I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks