i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dick has a subreddit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.