Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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