the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
