Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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