Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.