How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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