Plan B is the new Plan A
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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