she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
