where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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