i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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