There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
