I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
