I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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