FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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