I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
