just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
