So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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