i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
