someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
