Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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