Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
