You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
