I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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