we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
