i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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