Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
