I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
