moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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