roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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