I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
