I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
