what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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