You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
