D3 body, D1 cock
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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