Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
