the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
