This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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