i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
