Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
