Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
