Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
